Asian white gay dating
On one of our first dates—we lasted for about two weeks in July of 1998—we met up in New York's West Village for dinner.
I walked West 11th Street to get here, he said. Do you think it's out of our contact, to live there?
My heart caught in my ribs. Oh, I said, without explaining. It's not out of our reach. It's our destiny. He seemed to accept this. We were both drunk.
For a long time, living on West 11th was my dream—and while its influence over me came from Grace Paley having lived there, the brick buildings were low, so there was beautiful light, and from Fifth Avenue to the Hudson Highway, these beautiful rooms full of books and art suggested lives that mesmerized me as I walked by. One of my very favorite writers once did me the compliment of naming someone in one of her stories, published in the New Yorker, after me—and giving him a home on West 11th. The closest I will ever get to this dream.
I think it was this moment that pierced me, but there were many, really. He was that sort of dangerous beauty with a knack for knowing just what I dreamed about.
K___ was a young professor at a university there in New York, elevated and handsome, white with bright blue eyes. In retrosp
Savage Love: Why Are White Gay Guys So Racist Toward Asian Men?
I’m taking a week off, so this week’s “Savage Love” is a reprint of a column that was originally published on Jan. 13, 2016. I hope everyone has a happy and safe Self-acceptance. Please be careful out there. —Dan
As a queer man of color—I’m Asian—I feel wounded whenever I am exposed to gay men in Novel York City, Toronto or any city where light gay men dominate. Same-sex attracted men, mostly whites and Asians, reject me because of my race, and no one admits to their sexual racism. I understand that sexual attraction is subconscious for many people. But it is unfair for a queer Asian like myself to be constantly marginalized and rejected. I fight for gay rights, too. I believe in equality, too. I had the identical pain of being homosexual in high school and the same fears when coming out, too.
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Why is there no acceptance, no space, no welcome for me in this white-painted gay community? I’m 6 foot 1, 160 pounds, fit and very good-looking. What can I do? I might as well be a sexless monk.
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